Bart: Mummy, do people have to get married?
Me: Not if they don’t want to.
Bart: I want to get married. I want to wear a pretty dress. Mummy do you have to wear a pretty dress to get married?
Me: Nope. You can wear whatever you want.
Bart: Even a Superman shirt?
Me: Errrmm, yeah, if you want to.
Bart: Nah… l will wear a pretty dress.
AJ: Mummy, when can we go to another wedding?
Me: When someone getting married invites us. The next one in our family might be Dan, he is already 17.
AJ: I am going to marry Dan.
Me: Well you can’t marry him. His Mummy is my sister, so he is your cousin.
AJ: How about a blackbird. Can I marry a blackbird?
Last night when Jay got in from work, he took Artie our whippet and the girls out for a walk while I organised supper.
They hadn’t been gone that long when AJ came back home crying her eyes out. She was followed by Bart and Jay.
It seems Artie had a grand time charging around and running as fast as he could. So fast in fact he didn’t spot AJ when she was in front of him and barreled into her.
As Jay described to me later, it was like a bowling pin. He literally knocked her off her feet and she came straight down on her back, inches away from a big puddle.
The shock left her breathless for a few seconds before she let out a scream and then cried all the way home.
Luckily she came out of it not too badly. She has a bruise on her elbow and although she was a bit sore on her back last night, today it is fine.
As for Artie, our pup was totally oblivious to the pain he had caused.
Getting AJ dressed in the morning is a work of endurance. My seven-year old will prance and dance. She will twirl and swirl. She will jig and she will jive. My girl will even manage to rock out to One Direction (?!) in various states of dress and undress. If she is not nagged and badgered it will take her over an hour to change from night to day.
To combat this I have started the girls racing in the morning to get their school uniform on. There is no prize, they just get to “na na n’na na” at the loser.
This morning AJ started slow (I had given Bart a sneaky head start) but she was swiftly over taking. Yes that girl can move when she wants to. She had managed pants, vest, tight, shirt and trousers. It was as AJ was reaching for her cardigan she began do a strange butt wiggle one leg shake dance. This was new, but she almost dressed, so hey, time to get your groove on. Then with one final kick of her foot, yesterdays tights came soaring out of her trouser leg.
For a second we looked at each other, both a little shocked and then just couldn’t stop laughing.
This morning at breakfast Jay knocked his cup of tea over.
I was busy reading about foxes with Bart while checking AJ had all her stuff ready for swimming with school, so didn’t really take any notice apart from not much seemed to have spilt and he cleaned it up quickly.
It was about twenty minutes later when I sat down to fill in some paper work, I discovered where the bulk of the tea went.
The kitchen chair cushion pad was soaking and now so was my pyjama bottoms.
The turkey is eaten, it’s now we who are stuffed.
The presents are opened, everyone was chuffed.
Dolls house and bicycle, a necklace with a name,
Pyjamas and slippers, the Candy Crush game.
Grandma was unwell and didn’t eat any lunch,
By supper she was better and did nothing but munch.
Now the in-laws have left and the girls in their beds,
With dreams of new toys floating around in their heads.
My husbands asleep with the dog on his lap,
I’ll leave him in peace, he deserves a wee nap.
With prepping and cooking and playing hostess,
It’s my time to unwind, time to de-stress.
I’m glad its all over, can I take down the tree?
And maybe throw it in the North Sea.
At last here is am sat with my Baileys and chocs,
Watching a repeat of QI on the box,
We’ve managed the day, with hardly a fight,
And so while I’m still sober, I’ll wish you good night.
T’was the morning of Christmas and all through the house,
Not a person is stirring, even my husband, the louse.
Stockings are hung on each bedroom door,
And there’s a musical sound of a little girls snore.
I have awoken hangover free,
Not one drop of alcohol got into me.
I think I’ve remembered each hidden present stash,
If not, in the new year, I’ll return them for cash.
How come on this day I’m the only one awake,
When for three hundred and sixty-four days I don’t get a break.
I’m counting down time till the oven goes on,
We’ll all be sick of turkey when that bird is gone.
So while all is quiet I’ll take time to say,
To new friends and old friends have a wonderful day.
To my family all celebrating and those watching from above,
Be healthy, be happy, I send you my love.